Pleasepleaseplease.
This is a depressing situation. If you do not want to be brought down or listen to my miserable complaints/crying, hit that pretty little back button.


I've liked this guy for three years. Approximately. Maybe more. I've known him since kindergarten, but have always felt a feeling considered more than just friends.

Well, he's never had guts, so this came as a huge surprise. He asked one of my close friends out. And, it gets worse, she said yes. I don't know how I'm going to face him. I really don't. This happened on Friday, and I've been numb and crying since then. I dunno, it's just the fact that he had started giving me hugs, so I thought after 3 years it was finally going somewhere? Or that I don't necessarily like him, but love? That my friend KNOWS that I love him, and he knows that too, yet she said yes because she somewhat likes him?
We're still friends, and been talking, and I know she feels kind of guilty, but... I don't know how to face him tomorrow.
I cried for two hours straight. I went to sleep at 9 that night. Everyone was shocked. Generally, you have to literally force me to get in bed at 11. Even then I'll get out once everyone is asleep and read or go on the Internet or something.

I've been like a ghost. Just floating around. I can't concentrate on anything, I can't do anything. I just sit around, cry and sleep. I haven't been able to eat anything without throwing up, I'm not even hungry. So I stopped eating. My mom finally forced some food down my throat, and I haven't thrown that up yet. Which I guess is good. But we have finals this week and I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to concentrate.

I don't know how in god's name I'm going to be able to face him tomorrow without breaking down again. Without making him feel guilty.
I haven't talked to him since he texted me saying, 'HOLY SHIT. I just asked her out and she said yes.'

Oh, yesterday.
Him: Hey
Me: Hi.
Him: What's up?
Me: Nothing of interest.
Him: Ok...

That's it. Word for word. I know it was cold, but how could I bring myself to be anything else?
I'm suffering inexplicably here. Yet he prolly doesn't know. That I go to sleep listening to Teardrops on My Guitar, You Belong with Me, and Breathe, all by Taylor Swift, and thinking of him.
I was talking to his new girlfriend, and she told him that I cried. So he knows that.

I'm pathetic. Yet I can't pull myself out of this depression. I've tried. I finally stopped cutting for longer than a couple weeks, and now I have cuts to make up for that. On my arms, legs, and sides.

God damn it. What a god damn fucking cruel piece of shit this world is...